sadness

i am sad today and have been for the past few days. There is no escape for me. I feel that i have to shout at the top of my voice to let go of all the bottled up feelings that i have inside. my mind can go blank thinking of my probs. been crying every nite to sleep. keep thinking of my family probs and if i am able to do my studies. Do u noe the weird thing is i am still preparing and calling the rite parties to make me more understand abt the finances that will be involved doing the degree. was i eager to jump at the opp of doing my degree too soon.

other than that. my life seems to be in organized mess. Loves it . my insurance plan not working out. and love life... aiyah... don say lah . maybe it is my weight that keeping men away buit then again i swear there are ppl who i saw much bigger than me but have hello! good looking guys beside them... and they are not their brothers, aiyah that is what u call jodoh. fate lies in the hands of our maker. We plan but He decides. Y argue with what has been written and said By Allah. I am grateful that it is not worst. Sometimes i wan an answer from Allah so much. I meant not talk to me but show me something. hint, knock on the head or birds perching on my window pane. But he has his many ways of showing u noe .